at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
