i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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