I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ladies don't puke and tell
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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