Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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