Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
