"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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