you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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