After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
