I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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