Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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