So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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