Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
