WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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