Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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