He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
40s are totally the cure
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
