she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
