it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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