I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
