i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
