He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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