We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
