wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
