I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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