im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
