Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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