Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
