i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
