shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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