He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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