My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
