I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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