spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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