Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
