Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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