I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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