we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
