i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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