am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
