I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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