you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
