dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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