So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
