My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
