Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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