sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
