Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
