ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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