Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
