whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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