ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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