hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
