woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
