my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
