saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We need to get me chipped asap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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