Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
