Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
