you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
