matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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