K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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