I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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