She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
