And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
