God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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